So . . . is it depression or depletion? The mountains of work that stand in front of me from my PsyD thesis to repainting the house (and over the horrid grapevine stencil) to unpacking my 14 bags from my 14 hour day to my three papers due yesterday to the current year's filing and back to last year's . . . sigh.

i find myself watching Under the Tuscan Sun over and over and dreaming of a life like that. But who's driving my race car here anyways? Didn't i make the choices to have my life end up where it is? No one forced me to do 12 years post-college and study psychoanalysis, the black belt of psychology my colleagues remind me. It's looking like i'll graduate in May 2008 - only 6 years, fast i'm told for an analytic institute. My very famous analyst supervisor reminds me that he took 12 years to finish- post-med school. ugh.

these are the days when i'm not sure what i'm working for. i have a career. i help people. i make a decent living. i travel. so why can't i slow down? what does this degree matter except for another set of letters after my name and completion for completion sake.

I know it's my damn ego. or Super Ego i should say. My SuperEgo is outta control. i call her Helga. She's a daunting German bitchy stout woman. If Anna Freud was so smart, advising us to remain "equidistant between the ego, superego and id to better serve our clients" you'd think she would have told us how. Perhaps she didn't want to argue with her dad re: technique. I love him dearly but he's a bit of a stickler too.

so why am i blogging instead of working, you say? yes, good question. i guess i'm trying to figure out if i'm depressed or depleted. i did see three clients today before 6 hours of class after which i followed up with a kickboxing class and 45 mins of running. now all my friends are going salsa dancing (which i must say i'm quite good at) and i don't have the energy to go.

what happened to balance? 8 hour days? or better yet a few clients, then a siesta, a liesurely walk and a late night of dancing with friends? why do i listen to Helga? alas, she has won a